fog

I've been in a strange fog,
I feel like I've been in a fog since last spring when my chipper, not-so-athletic self went out for a anger-aversion run. You know the type - either yell inappropriate things at your child or anyone that gets in the way, or get outta Dodge and run like ...
It's better to run I tell ya.
I put on some shorts. I laced up my running shoes and got out of the house.
On that run, I fell. Not just an awkward, can't believe I did that and boy will I feel bruised tomorrow kind, but the slam my body to the ground and break a shoulder kind. I screamed and yelled and cried the whole way to ER while my sister just nodded, and winced (she has serious shoulder issues) and empathized, never once sending a judgmental comment my way ... thank you very much Karen!

The broken shoulder landed in the midst of a few years of chaos, sadness, uncertainty and often fear for my family - for ones I love so much. Months of beautiful moments and months of impossible moments have followed. Exhausting.

...

I've been writing more lately. I've been playing with my sweet grandbaby whenever possible.

I went for a walk yesterday, then again today.

Sometimes that's what it takes. When the fog starts to dissipate - even just a bit.
Lace up your running shoes and go for a walk, just be very careful.

Try screaming … it helps sometimes.

I broke my shoulder!
Yep … this 50-year-old body catapulted itself onto a sidewalk. It's like my feet and my legs were laughing at me saying, Nice try! You're 50 no matter what you think or say.

The irony is, I had recently posted a blog post entitled
when life doesn't do what it's supposed to ...
Seriously, who breaks their arm while running?
My shoulder, folks, slammed in to the sidewalk that my feet were supposed to be hitting.
It was like I flipped upside down or something.
If it didn't hurt so much it would have been one of those
crazy lady sitting on the sidewalk all bruised up, all by herself, laughing herself into a cackle-frenzy!
Instead it was,
crazy lady, sitting on the sidewalk, screaming for help, screaming in pain, screaming!

I have to say, I didn't realize that my reaction to sudden injury and extreme pain
(I birthed two children - without drugs)
is to scream loudly.
Not just initially while sprawled out on the sidewalk after sliding in a water/mud puddle,
not just when I reached for my phone trying to text somebody to come pick me up off of the concrete,
not even just when my sister showed up, very quickly I might add,
but pretty much all the way to ER... don't judge!
And let it be said that two bicyclists and at least a couple of cars whizzed on by, before she showed up, with nary a thought to help me. I guess now that I write it down I realize I was looking pretty loony … but seriously folks. It hurt!!!

So … I've been absent from my blog. I've been absent from writing my book (just kidding, I'm not writing a book. I just like to say that. It makes me feel important). Broken shoulders and typing just don't jive … at all. But I'm healing pretty well. I can almost put my hair up all by myself. I can now brush my teeth, use a fork and write my name with relative ease. Just don't ask me to throw something your way. My, does that look stupid …