"You're wrong!"

A few years ago I decided I was done with being told I was wrong.
Criticism? Had it up to here... and then some.
It was like emotional PTSD.

But I here sit today, realizing how unhealthy that is, kind of.

There seems to be two Extremes to this whole, set-you-straight mentality. There's the, "God told me to tell you ... blah, blah, blah." Without relationship, without wisdom, without care, this is wrong.

We've been picked apart quite enough, thank you very much.

I don't mean constructive criticism, or the "I'm truly concerned for your emotional/physical/mental/spiritual well being" friends
This Extreme is too often about the criticizer. It's like they use you as an emotional vomit pail. An impulsive, need-to-get-it-out-of-my-system offender
Not good
Not constructive
Not right

But back to my original reason for talking about this in the first place,
the other Extreme that is really an expression of love.

Who do I have in my life that can freely come to me and say, "Kathy you're wrong."

Just typing that makes me want to pull the blanket over my head and plug my ears.
La la la la ... I can't hear you.....

I'm not sure how I would want to hear it.
I don't even know, right now. if I'm ready for it.

But I never want to be so arrogant - to think I'm above reproach.

But then there's the self-esteem thing. I have such an issue with that. I already pick my own self apart pretty much every day.

But I don't want to be stuck, or delusional, or not growing, or so stupid I never want to change.

The best friends risk
The very best of people in your life are those that are willing to risk ... gently (baby steps)
The kindest of souls don't particularly like being the ones who call someone out. It's usually agonized  over, and over, and over before it's even approached.

So here goes ... 
1. Do you already have someone whom you trust to call you out?
2. If not, what holds you back?
        self esteem issues or arrogance or ....?
3. Are you Am I ready for this?
**Let me know right here on my blog, or on Facebook or Twitter. 

dancing in the mud

gravel, sand & molasses

we pretend we're at a spa,

mixing with our feet

exfoliating, cooling our bodies down in an otherwise almost unbearable arid climate

   thanks for dancing with me sweet Caiti

we've planned
we've traveled
we've arrived in a beautiful country
           beautiful people who need a hand up

tiptoeing barefoot over rocks, scooting past a chicken

making room for a duck and her brother,

     I walk around a bush to find the water hose

the mud is stubborn, paints the heel, gets in between the toes

a friend bends down to help me wash … one foot at a time

  thanks Dina for not even hesitating

bricks soaked in water

laid out with purpose, but simply placed, quickly completed

it's like chocolate frosting, filling in the cracks with homemade concrete

adding a little bit more on one side when we realize the cement slab,

             or is it the dirt floor?

                                                isn't quite level

spreading the "gravel, sand & molasses" with work gloves on

deciding to abandon the work gloves because

     it's like a spa for the hands, the mud gets under the fingernails, cool to the touch

   thanks for frosting the "chocolate cake" with me Michael

sweat drips down my back, down my face

I'm enclosed in a small "kitchen" 

floor and walls covered in soot

smoke lingering from the morning fire where tortillas were cooked for breakfast

someone reaches over and wipes the sweat away

   thank you beautiful Rachel

we stop, there's a breeze

we stop and laugh because the simple breeze feels so good for just a moment
     in the heat that, to us, is unbearable
no fan - no air conditioning - no ice-filled glass of water
   a simple breeze that makes us smile

when we leave this place we leave behind a stove
     not a beautiful six-burner stove with an extra-large capacity oven
a simple stove
for a family with simple, but very profound needs

the "pilot light" is lit
    twigs, scrap paper, branches have been stuffed inside the small cavern that we have made so diligently, literally with the sweat of our brow
we have been given an opportunity
     build a stove that will alleviate a bit of the pain
     build a stove that will supply a safer way to cook
        a little bit of wisdom shared that can maybe give them
                   give their children
            a better quality of life
less coughing, less wheezing, maybe less need for medical care

hauling, shoveling, lifting, soaking

sweating, laughing, crying, dancing

   thanks John for leading










*Click on the Link below if you're interested in dancing in the mud
EcoStoves by Enlace El Salvador

i love my new friends

i want you to meet Ashley, Albert, Guadalupe, and sweet Haley

         brown-eyed Angel and her big brother George

            The Boys … Xavier, Brandon and Felipe

there are dozens more, but this is good enough for now

they range in age from 5 months to 14 years old

     we love playing Play-doh together ...
                    (i make a cool snake, and an amazing snowman)

     we love to eat food …

              but, they have to show up at a park with their parents on a Sunday

                      and wait for the nice church people to give their family food 

               or they stand in line with food stamps to get their weekly rations

               or they ask the very caring social worker if it's snack time yet

          … i just go to Costco or Trader Joe's and buy all the food and snacks my heart desires 

    we love to watch Madagascar or The Incredibles together, or even a good chick flick

    we love to hang with friends

              but, they have to wait for hours in a park to get new-old clothes

                      when they'd rather hang at the mall, play in the park
                               or just be safe in a home to call their own

         …. i just text my friends and say "wanna get coffee and a gluten-free donut?"

    we all love to sleep in a warm safe place, and be loved by our parents and family 

some of my new friends have very loving parents who want the best for their kids, 

               but language or culture,
                        illness, or even the law has added to the weight of growing up

        addiction, abuse, neglect or abandonment are something they are all too familiar with

kids should not be waiting in a park all day
                      where drug addicts are sleeping off a binge
                      waiting for a fix, tweaking
                      or freaking out from a bad trip

kids should not be so scared in their own home

                so familiar with violence that they've figured out,
                     by two years old,
                where to hide, what not to say, be invisible

they should not have to be taken from their neighborhood, their school, their friends

they should not be afraid of their mom, or not even know who their mom is


BUT this is reality … today
                 in Orange County
                 in Vancouver
                 in Germany, Finland, Thailand, New Zealand, Mexico, Russia, Great Britain ...

I love my new friends!
Some of them live in a place where beautiful people care for children who cannot go back to their own homes - in order to keep them safe. These little ones (and bigger ones too) are waiting for a family to take them to a safe place to live, with their own bed, a fridge to go to to have snacks, and "parents" who bring them to school, take them on vacation, give them birthday gifts.

Some of them live with their parents, or grandparents.
They live in tenement housing or apartments.
They do have shelter and somewhere to sleep - though rarely a bed of their own.
They live with their parents, or a mom or a grandma, who struggle to have enough money for a bus ride, let alone a school uniform.
Weekly they show up at a park,
     not a "beautiful flowers, jungle gym, baseball field" kind of park,
The kind where the bruised and the wounded of the mind sleep, where the addicted, abandoned and broken of our society choose to call home, a tarp to call their bed.
These kids hang out there for hours.
It's what their weekend consists of
      hoping people will show up with meals, water bottles, pizzas, sandwiches, clothes or even shoes in their actual size.

I love my new friends.

Playing Play-doh is a start,
Giving them a hug with one arm and a sandwich with the other,
Asking them their name, and really wanting to know it,
Letting them practice their English while I practice my Spanish,
Feeding them vegetables when all they've had is fried, sugary food,
Holding them and saying good night when they are crying and don't want you to leave cause they're scared of the dark.

I guess it's something
       for me it's not quite enough...
But it's a start.

I love my new friends.


Foster Care - One Family's Story
Foster Care - Another Family's Story
CASA Court Advocate for Children
Orangewood Children's Home - Orange County

Go make some friends today.