Just have faith. How irritating is that!

I have lived (am living still) through a week, a month ... well you get the picture
I've been stripped
   stripped of my abilities,
   stripped of my knowing, my grasping what's next.
I've had time to think about Faith. How little of it I have had at times, but mostly how misguided my faith can be. The kind of faith that has left me with heart wrenching fear and out of control panic.
I'm not alone in this. I know you've been there.

Faith, real, live honest, life-changing Faith.

It never stands alone

All by itself? faith is nothing, and potentially dangerous.

Sure, it's such a pretty word. It's even a beautiful name for a cute baby girl.
But what - or who - are we putting our faith in?

I have faith. Period.
Keep the faith. Period.
Just have faith. Period.
Seriously people. You can't stop there!

Because, like I said, faith all by itself is probably just a beautiful name for a sweet little girl.

Misplaced, it is powerless to get the job done, and potentially misguiding and most often, disappointing.

It's just not sustainable on it's own.
The danger comes when we risk entrusting our lives and hearts to things and entities that have no business being in charge. Just have faith is just not enough!

True Faith is a gift. We've all been given it.
Some of us... the Faith-gift is so small it can be hidden away in our pocket, the size of a piece of lint. Others... they haven't even realized it's there's for the taking.
Then there are those who have this seemingly huge, behemoth ocean full of Faith that comes rushing out of them in waves. Soaking everyone in it's path with such thirst-quenching, cool you off in the middle of a hot-flash kind of way. 

But that's the thing about Faith. It's powerful, life-changing, hope-giving
   When it's Faith in the One, the Creator
                   Faith in the One worthy of it
                   Faith, whether lint-sized or ocean-huge, in the One
                     Who gets done what needs to be done
                              when it needs to happen!
Faith is definitely not passive. I mean, it can't just sit there as a word. It can't just be a statement without action. Yet, ironically, the action is often in doing the nothing.
         Stay with me here.
Sometimes the action is in purposely surrendering a circumstance or a situation into the hands of the One in whom you've placed your Faith-gift in.

It doesn't mean I'll know what's going to happen next.
It doesn't necessarily mean I'll even know what to do next, how to help, what it will take to fix it, or survive it. 

But I've discovered this past month, and many others before this
    I don't want to live this life without purposely putting my Faith in God.
I've tried it. It stinks. It fails.

So here it is
     no matter how shaky I feel,
     no matter how lint-small my Faith seems,

I trust you Father, to heal a mind, to protect my child, to make all of it make sense. I trust You. You do know what is best for me. You do love me and mine more than I do. I have Faith in You to guide us, to stop us, to carry us. Even when my Faith is miniscule, I give it to You. 

So no thanks ... I won't Just have faith 
       in myself or in you
       in a doctor or my family or technology or money...
Jesus ... my Faith is in You!

A Beautiful, Tortured Mind

Looping thoughts that won't turn off
Someone sings a song that you can't stand
then it's stuck
stuck in your mind and you find yourself singing it all day long

I wish it was as irritating as that
   as simple as a silly diddy looping in your head.

Dark, looming thoughts,
you want to scream at them
except those thoughts are in your head, and it doesn't usually help to scream at yourself

Then for some reason you hit your arm, or bump in to something
Pain
It's real, it grounds you with the present
It distracts

Distraction is good when those thoughts just won't leave
A cut
longer each time
each time there's a sense of now
   an escape from the incessant thinking

It soothes for a moment
It releases something that tells you, so briefly, I'm gonna make it

The problem is, just like the looping mind, the thoughts that won't turn off
The Cut is not enough
Never quite enough
So you cut more, scrape a little deeper, a little longer, a little more often

The diseases of the mind are so complex,
  and so varied,
  and so real,
  and so painful,
  and so affect every person on this planet. If you're living and breathing you have been impacted by this - that I promise.
   First impressions, there's much more to a situation or person then we see at first glance.
That's the thing with mental illness, It's often invisible. To the casual observer, the person may appear to have it "all together." Yet when the symptoms flare up they are usually misunderstood,
   horrendously bullied
   often feared
   definitely misjudged over and over again!

To all of you who live with a tortured mind
I honor you for your bravery
  For surviving the days you have survived
  For excepting help when you can
You are loved by the Father … and you are loved by me