If you’ve never experienced that first time?Your little one looks you straight in the eye - with chocolate peaking out of the corner of their mouth, a trail of chocolate chips in their wake - and says...Just hold on… the Lying Train is coming. It’s just a matter of time.
No. I didn’t have a cookie Mommy.
My friend *Genevieve and I were talking about this the other day. We were lamenting really. That First Time. Sometimes our Littles are little enough that it’s kinda cute. Then the Next Time… whoa what’s up with that? And for some of our kiddos… too many Next Times I’m afraid.
The Lying Train pulled in to our family station so many years ago, there were shovels and coal involved.My friend’s Lying Train? Operating like a bullet train ripping through a beautiful European countryside.
I do love it when you can find someone who has gone before you, has experienced that something, a comrade-in-arms so to speak. Whether that someone has a clue what to tell you to do about it (that was me), or that friend has pearls of wisdom to throw your way.
At least you have a cheerleader and at least there is someone else to hang out with in that “Parents of Children That Lie” club.
The result of our conversation? other than confessed tears, frustration, a sense of fear (chronic liars are a thing), we put our heads together and came up with these:
5 Things To Do When Your Child Lies
1. If you lie… STOP2. If you don’t do #1, then remember. This is not about you. This is not about your parenting.
If you won’t even Enter in the Exit door at the grocery store… you’re probably not the influence here.
3. Kids have choices.
They're mini-people, born with the ability to choose. They have their own decisions to make. They have their own consequences to learn.
When my 1st was little I had such a hard time with this one. Seeing her as her own person was a tough one. It was an emotional struggle, and she’ll tell you at times a physical one. A lot of wish-I’d-known-better and wish-I-could-have-a-do-over moments for me. But they do have choices to make. The sooner Moms (and Dads) recognize this, and accept it as truth, it will give the parent the break. And will free the child to grow ...
4. Let them Fall, Let them Fail.
Listen to Kathy and Dr. Laura and Stop rescuing your kid!
You can Never over-love but you can over-rescue (if I could rewind the clock ...)
You have to let them endure the consequence of lying.
If that means a teacher failing them at school (gulp),
a store manager telling them they can’t shop there anymore (BIG gulp),
or maybe straight-to-the-heart-ouch! a parent not letting them play with their kid anymore (Seriously, who does that?)
Whether they should or not, whether it’s fair or not
If it’s the result of dishonesty I’m afraid we have to walk that through.
5. Hang in there.
Parenting teens? Categories 5 and 6.
Some days. Some months, dare I say years? you feel like you've been catapulted out of the raft. But you can crawl back in. You can do this.And they do grow up.
They grow up with scrapes on their knees, maybe a broken bone or two, a few bad grades (or a lot of bad grades), broken hearts, years that are hard and hopefully years that are Amazing!
Scraped knees and broken bones?
They've played outside and run wild and free, or they've tried something hard or done something stupid.
Bones heal.
Bad grades? They’re gonna learn life takes hard work, not everything’s handed to them.
A broken heart? A most amazing opportunity to grow an empathetic heart.
To learn early on that not everyone loves them.
Not everyone likes them.
That’s okay. That’s real life.
Love them, hug them, listen to them.
The seemingly endless hard weeks or months or years? It strengthens the soul as we depend on God.
I promise.
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty
