Please Don't Misunderstand Me

Today it hit me ... I am misunderstood

And then I realized, not just me, but so many of us.

"Us" is a club, not necessarily one you ask to join, but you're not given much choice. The club is massive. I meet new members all the time. The problem with the club is it's kind of a secret, or the members treat it secretively. They really don't want to be identified in the club, yet when they find another member .... it's WOW! You don't have to fill them in on every detail. You start to talk and they just know, they relate. Whether it's chronic illness and pain, or a child who's broken and hurting. It could be marriage ripped apart by betrayal or perversion. It can be financial ruin, bankruptcy. There might be police involved, jail time, hospital stays, psych wards, chemotherapy, or addictions too numerous to state. But when they meet and recognize each other, there's a load lifted, maybe just shifted, but definitely an impact is made.

I'm talking about those of us who have faced stuff, some times so huge you can't put it into words.
Some times so huge you cry as you write about it.
Some times so huge you can't even explain it
     or often stuff it away so you don't have to deal with it.

The misunderstood part is -
     some times there are great days and great moments!
I mean awesome, hilarious, toes-in-the-sand, beautiful, coffee in your hand kind of days!  When those days happen, I find myself wanting to just enjoy it, tell someone about it. And that's good. It's healthy to land there, and recognize it. It fights off depression or a sense of fatalism and "woe is me" status. It gives eternal perspective and helps me see the big picture. It allows a day or moment to just breathe ....

But the reality of it is, the stuff is there.
Don't get me wrong, I'm in the middle of seeing miracles take place. A body and mind in the process of healing, a heart that is trying to surrender and heal. But the stuff is happening, it just keeps rolling in.

So please don't misunderstand me - or those you meet whom you know are in the club. You've met so many of us, and might be a member yourself. Don't assume everything's goin great right now for them. But check in. Let them know you're aware, that you see them.

Don't assume their child in rehab is all better
Don't assume they will never cut again
Don't assume their cancer in remission isn't back
Don't assume their marriage is healed because they went to counseling

Please don't misunderstand.

A Beautiful Mind: the invisible

I'm saddened by disease, by illness...  and those who suffer.
I'm not talking about the common cold or a nasty, achy, snotty flu. I'm talking about someone I love having multiple seizures every day, someone else I love living with debilitating back pain, another one dear to me who has fought cancer - two times!!  Then there is the disease that affects the mind.

Oh... that one makes me pause...

The diseases of the mind are so complex,
  and so real,
  and so painful,
  and so affect everyone.
If you're living and breathing you have been impacted by this.

I guarantee, there's usually much more to any given situation 

and always much more to each person we meet 

than what we see at first glance. 

And that's the thing with mental illness, It can really be very invisible.
To the casual observer, the person may appear to have it "all together."
Yet when those symptoms flare up, when the storm starts or the disconnect begins,
   they are usually horribly misunderstood,
   horrendously bullied,
   and often feared.
The are misjudged over and over again!

So what's the answer? Do we owe it to each other to expose our pains, weaknesses, diseases or ailments? Are we supposed to walk up to someone and say
  Hi, I have cancer, sorry about the bald head
  Don't worry about me, it's just the Tourette's talking
  Sorry I didn't come to the party, I was too depressed to be around people

Yes ... and No
       
I have found that while we don't owe anyone an explanation for
   who we are,
   what we suffer with or
   how we look ...
when we do let them see into our pain, when we acknowledge the illness for what it is, we have the chance to be cared for

Then there's the No ... guarding our hearts. There is a Bully on the playground of life. He's a deceiver and He just wants to destroy. That's his game.
So whether we share on Facebook or send out a Tweet...
whether we blurt out our pain in a crowded classroom or around the office cooler,
these are potential paths leading to more pain

too often not leading to the care we crave and very much deserve.

My friend, search out those in your life who are safe.
Those who can give you that care you crave and that you very much deserve
    like a warm blanket when we have a fever,
    an arm gently placed around our shoulder when we're discouraged or
    a listening ear and a kind word that says I hear you and I believe you

Praying that the guarding hand of Wisdom will not give the Bully even one round on the playground.
Praying that we have eyes to see, to look beyond the immediate, the obvious
   that we have eyes to see the invisible, the broken and the beautiful.