A Beautiful, Tortured Mind

Looping thoughts that won't turn off
Someone sings a song that you can't stand
then it's stuck
stuck in your mind and you find yourself singing it all day long

I wish it was as irritating as that
   as simple as a silly diddy looping in your head.

Dark, looming thoughts,
you want to scream at them
except those thoughts are in your head, and it doesn't usually help to scream at yourself

Then for some reason you hit your arm, or bump in to something
Pain
It's real, it grounds you with the present
It distracts

Distraction is good when those thoughts just won't leave
A cut
longer each time
each time there's a sense of now
   an escape from the incessant thinking

It soothes for a moment
It releases something that tells you, so briefly, I'm gonna make it

The problem is, just like the looping mind, the thoughts that won't turn off
The Cut is not enough
Never quite enough
So you cut more, scrape a little deeper, a little longer, a little more often

The diseases of the mind are so complex,
  and so varied,
  and so real,
  and so painful,
  and so affect every person on this planet. If you're living and breathing you have been impacted by this - that I promise.
   First impressions, there's much more to a situation or person then we see at first glance.
That's the thing with mental illness, It's often invisible. To the casual observer, the person may appear to have it "all together." Yet when the symptoms flare up they are usually misunderstood,
   horrendously bullied
   often feared
   definitely misjudged over and over again!

To all of you who live with a tortured mind
I honor you for your bravery
  For surviving the days you have survived
  For excepting help when you can
You are loved by the Father … and you are loved by me

dancing in the mud

gravel, sand & molasses

we pretend we're at a spa,

mixing with our feet

exfoliating, cooling our bodies down in an otherwise almost unbearable arid climate

   thanks for dancing with me sweet Caiti

we've planned
we've traveled
we've arrived in a beautiful country
           beautiful people who need a hand up

tiptoeing barefoot over rocks, scooting past a chicken

making room for a duck and her brother,

     I walk around a bush to find the water hose

the mud is stubborn, paints the heel, gets in between the toes

a friend bends down to help me wash … one foot at a time

  thanks Dina for not even hesitating

bricks soaked in water

laid out with purpose, but simply placed, quickly completed

it's like chocolate frosting, filling in the cracks with homemade concrete

adding a little bit more on one side when we realize the cement slab,

             or is it the dirt floor?

                                                isn't quite level

spreading the "gravel, sand & molasses" with work gloves on

deciding to abandon the work gloves because

     it's like a spa for the hands, the mud gets under the fingernails, cool to the touch

   thanks for frosting the "chocolate cake" with me Michael

sweat drips down my back, down my face

I'm enclosed in a small "kitchen" 

floor and walls covered in soot

smoke lingering from the morning fire where tortillas were cooked for breakfast

someone reaches over and wipes the sweat away

   thank you beautiful Rachel

we stop, there's a breeze

we stop and laugh because the simple breeze feels so good for just a moment
     in the heat that, to us, is unbearable
no fan - no air conditioning - no ice-filled glass of water
   a simple breeze that makes us smile

when we leave this place we leave behind a stove
     not a beautiful six-burner stove with an extra-large capacity oven
a simple stove
for a family with simple, but very profound needs

the "pilot light" is lit
    twigs, scrap paper, branches have been stuffed inside the small cavern that we have made so diligently, literally with the sweat of our brow
we have been given an opportunity
     build a stove that will alleviate a bit of the pain
     build a stove that will supply a safer way to cook
        a little bit of wisdom shared that can maybe give them
                   give their children
            a better quality of life
less coughing, less wheezing, maybe less need for medical care

hauling, shoveling, lifting, soaking

sweating, laughing, crying, dancing

   thanks John for leading










*Click on the Link below if you're interested in dancing in the mud
EcoStoves by Enlace El Salvador