Monday, April 13, 2015

Thanks for answering my prayer God, but no thanks ...

I'm a blasted wretch! 

What happens when you're told that this is your last day at work.
You didn't see it coming
You need the money
You like where you work and you thought  you were doing a good enough job, maybe even - pause - a great job (this is coming from a woman in her 50's who hasn't worked full-time for a very, very long time - insecurity can be a menopausal woman's very best friend I'm telling ya)

Me
That happened to me.
But I have to apologize for misleading because, well
God listens, and sometimes His answers come so quickly and are so obvious

On the way to work that miraculous, heart-wrenching day,
   after a chiropractor appointment that followed a car accident earlier that week,
   that came on the heels of a nasty drug withdrawal (don't judge)
   immediately preceded by a few weeks of bronchitis ...

I was exhausted. I had the audacity -insert sarcastic tone- to ask God for help
God I'm exhausted. I can't hold all this together any more.
Not 4 hours later I found myself packing up my desk!
What is that?
When my boss first called me in to let me know (small company, limited resources) I was Blown Away! I could go home early. I didn't have to come back the next day with my feel-like-I-was-hit-by-a-truck-body.
It was so direct. It was so obvious. I was so grateful...
For all of two hours.

Like a a good whip-lash story, the pain isn't always immediate - but let me tell you, it does show up.
Like a good God-took-care-of-it-fast story, we don't always hang around to thank Him, to give Him credit. I think I was caught up in my what will people think brain. And that stupid self-esteem thing? It slithered in and took over. It actually knocked the beauty of the answered prayer right out of me.
I'm a blasted wretch! 


Thank You Jesus that it's not too late to say Thank You for the pause. 
Thank You for giving me what I needed when I needed it.
Thanks for giving me a great job with some great people for the time I had it. 
Forgive me for not trusting you with my self worth, our money, my tired body. 
And finally, if I try to take all of this back in the next couple of hours, 
please restrain me.  
Amen.


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