Never underestimate coffee with friends.

We've been pretty much been screaming, Norb and I have, for the last few months. Okay, years.
For Wisdom.
Sometimes together, through some long, dark nights.
Sometimes separate. Hard stuff does that to couples. It pulls. It attempts to tear apart.

We haven't known, don't know, what to do in the middle of some very serious stuff.

I've overused the phrase I Got Nothin'. But it hasn't changed.
I
We
really haven't known, and continue to not know, what to do.

But here I sit today.
With my own coffee in hand.

I've cried a lot of tears this morning. God-tears. The kind I cry when I talk with God about God-only stuff.
God-only stuff is the stuff that only He can do anything about.
God-only moments. My soul, hyperventilating, gasping for air, for a whisper of breath.
He comes with the paper bag, gently holds it over my mouth.
Breath in.
Breath out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.

The Holy Spirit fills me with His breath. Life. Peace.
The ability to trust Him - we'll call it patience.
Being loved. An all encompassing, marrow-deep kind of love.

While I sit here with my own mug of coffee, wrestling in the peaceful surrender of knowing He knows, I'm reminded of coffee with friend

A month ago, an impulsive trip was taken. It was our anniversary. We needed a break...

An impromptu coffee date was had with a friend.
A friend who knows our family, and who loves our boy.
How's the boy?
...
Send him my way.

That is happening now.
It is good ... we didn't see that coming when we walked in the eclectic coffee shop, with it's industrial decor and it's huge community table in the lower east side of town. We didn't realize on this, our third cup of the day, we would be handed this opportunity.

Today, we're praying for our boy, for the deep stuff to happen in a month of serving.
We're begging God, really, for the transforming stuff to continue, because we know it started years ago, but that next level of growing. It has to happen. There is no option.
And he's being cared for and challenged and held accountable and seeing the world is bigger then himself.
Beautiful.

A couple months ago, two like-minded men were introduced.
Had a coffee, cause that's what my Man does.
Two polar-opposite life stories - understatement of the year.
Think drug cartel meets preacher man.
Stories are shared. Hearts and passions are connected.
What's your story?
...
I think I have something for him... I think it's exactly what he needs.
Would he meet me?
I wanna help.

Sometimes it takes a village.

This is happening now.
It is good... I hope. I didn't see it coming at all.
Today we are praying for our other boy as well, for the deep, deep transforming has-to-happen-miracle.
We are praying for the continued healing of a
mind and heart and will. The breaking down of walls around a battle-weary soul.
Make or break?
God doesn't make mistakes. I'm positive. But when my faith is weak, I freak out.
Like my own PTSD. I've seen stuff, I've lived stuff and it's not for the faint of heart.
I've watched, endured and lived Bad.

That's why the God-tears.
That's why I'm living the God-stuff right now.

So maybe my take away for you, my reader?
Go have coffee with a friend.

6 Things this Mom has done right-Part 1

I've had a lot of I got nothin's lately
so I dug a little deeper and realized ...
I've got this

6 Things this Mom just Might have done Right - Part 1

Part 1 ... cause you know you don't have the attention span of a gnat.

You. Are. Welcome.

1. I have laughed ... hard.

The - best - therapy - ever!

My #3 was in preschool. He came home one day and wanted to know what the middle finger meant. I immediately gave him the appropriate mommy speech.

Me: Sweetie, we never do that cause it's like potty mouth. It’s very yucky, ok?

#3: Okay mommy - all while smiling his most disarming chubby-faced smile.

Next day.
Phone rings.

or that one son ...
Tellin it like it is!!

#3's School: Mrs Kohler, your most adorable son has been sent to the office for flipping off his teacher … with both hands.

He double-whammied her!!! (That's a thing you know)
I could totally picture his honestly adorable 5-year-old-self standing there with both hands in the air - while smiling from ear to ear.

Well, I’m sorry. That’s worth every guffaw and cackle I could muster. And then, there was more. We found out that his obviously-not-experienced-with-anything-bad-in-life teacher was devastated by it. I mean really upset.

That did us in. He was five years old for goodness sake. And he was sitting in the office smiling from ear to ear! Apparently quite proud of himself especially with the reactions he got. My only regret is that I didn’t get to see it myself.

There I said it. I’m bad.

2. Pulled my kids out of school for ... sometimes I just wanted them home.

Don't freak out.

When they were wee little ones sometimes we (I) needed a mental health day ...it's a thing too.
Not having to get out of our pajamas, not having to worry about other kids for a few hours, just watching a movie or playing with toys or reading books. Ahhhh!

Sometimes, when they were a bit bigger, we'd pull up to school. I'd run in to the office and sign my girl out for the day.

School office: Why is she leaving today, and what time will she be back?
Me: Family reasons... and No.

Then she'd walk out of class and down the hall and see me just standing there, grinning from ear to ear.

Me: We’re going to the beach! 
My Girl: ~squeals of delight~

Nothing better I tell ya.

A couple of years in a row, while we were living in Canada, we informed all of the teachers (four kids= lots of teachers) that they wouldn’t be at school for a couple of days that week. It was American Thanksgiving for goodness sake. Turkey doesn’t taste right on Saturday, it must be eaten on the 3rd Thursday of November. And then there’s football watching and baking and Christmas decorations. It’s serious and we needed it.

Or, leaving on vacation a little early, coming back a little late.

Maybe, just maybe, letting them sleep in on Monday morning cause they’re doing so well in school and they’re tired. And you're tired.
Letting them sleep in on Monday morning cause they’re not doing so good in school and they’re exhausted from trying.

We sometimes just all need the break.

You know your kids. These personal or family days, or mental health breaks, they're like life lessons for your-sooner-than-you-can-imagine-they-will-be-adults children.

Teaches them an invaluable lesson
Yes. Life is hard work and some times life is just Hard.

It’s good to know when to stop and breathe or jump in the sand.

3. Admitting I was wrong when I was wrong.

This isn’t self-deprecating “woe is me” mommy behavior.
This is honest, introspective, grown up talk.

Read this one through ... I'm not alone here.

This is recognizing when you yelled too loudly
       smacked someone when you should have taken a time out yourself
       ignored a child when you should have sat on the floor and played
              or read
              or listened.

This is recognizing your imperfections and realizing that you can still parent in the middle of them. In fact, the best parents or leaders or mentors are the ones that are obviously flawed and show us how to work through the mess.

They’ll learn from you what it's like to handle themselves when they are wrong.

This isn’t an “if” but a “when."


I have a few more on my list of things-this-mom-has-done-right.

Stay tuned ...

Sugar + Salt

"Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity."
Shauna Niequist

I love food.
The author I just quoted, Shauna Niequist, isn't actually talking about food here. But I'll get back to her in a minute.

I love new food.
I love old school comfort food.
       cheesy mac and cheese or chewy chocolate chip cookies

I love discovering new dishes, I love landing in new-to-me restaurants (thank you Yelp), creating marvelous recipes, finding new food blogs.

I love looking at pictures of food - yay Instagram! and binge-watching Food Network. I think I've actually lost some years.

Ironically?

I hate cooking every day.
I hate deciding what to cook or deciding where to eat next.
And...
I hate thinking that I’m demanding or being all diva about food now.

Peanut butter and jelly should be enough - except for the whole gluten-free thing my body really needs.
A simple scrambled egg or chicken and rice.

All of This. that I'm talking about?
It's opened up a whole new can of worms …
Gluttony.
If you look it up - the true definition. I'm living smack in the middle of it.
So let’s just say I will write about that soon.  And it's sure shootin' not as easy to talk about as you might be thinking.

Back to food.

I love sweets … but oh my!what sugar does to my aching, fibromyalgia-ridden body. I’ve paid for it.
I love baking sweet things, and just thinking about what I could bake, or driving across town for a Side Car Doughnut or a Susie’s Cake slice of heaven.

I love salty, that’s kind of a new thing for my tastebuds. Probably some deficiency or other.
Crack open a fresh bag of chips.
That first bite of tri-tip, grilled to perfection.
In the end - what I love is a beautiful marriage of the two.
Salty-sweet
That’s tastebud heaven.

About a month ago, I read this excerpt from a book called Savor. I don’t own the book, yet. I probably should, so I’m putting the link to Savor here for all of us to check out.

In this sweet devotional Shauna Niequist talks about the "bittersweet" (often much more of the vinegar and less of the honey, I’m afraid).

Such great perspective.

"The idea of bittersweet is changing the way I live, unraveling and reweaving the way I understand life. Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness. Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy. So this is the work I’m doing now, and the work I invite you into: when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."

Shauna Niequist

Savor

Is it just me, or is that not just awesome.
"Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity."

I do love beautiful.
I love my vegetables, trip tip and a beautiful slice of coconut cake.
I love my people - a little ornery, a lot of sass with plenty of quirky mixed in.

I’m grateful for life - a God-given life with it’s moments and days dripping with molasses and syrup, and it’s drenching days of balsamic vinegar and aromatic seasonings.

I realize I can’t live on sweet anymore, where my teeth rot out of my head and the inflammation in my body says Enough Kathy!
I definitely can’t live on just salty, or bitter. I lose bits of my self and I struggle to hang on to hope.

But the combination, sometimes at the same time, mixed in the same bowl of popcorn.
A beautiful pot roast meal, and always leaving room for a delicious bowl of blueberries and cream (heaven) or a slice of key lime pie.