When life isn't a Hallmark movie...

When I signed up for this gig, motherhood, I don't think I knew.
I don't think I really knew how hard, how gut-wrenchingly hard it could be.

So I decided to dive in to my thousands (gulp) of pictures.
You can imagine how long this has taken me ... how many photos I haven't posted. But I have learned this. When life is Hard, there is so much good mixed in. So many beautiful moments, so many moments to be thankful for.

Jet lag + traveling together for 2 weeks = not too bad

It's all I really ever wanted to be. Love and care for my kids.
Love my kids, however God saw fit to give me them to me.
My kids are His kids. His beautiful, planned-before-time human beings.

His ultimate responsibility. My heart.

I adore each one of mine.

The Originals a few years ago

My sweet Natalie with her heart... oh so big! Advocate for the underdog. Watching her be a wife, a mom. The Best Thing Ever!! A gift ...

My Nicholas. Been fighting for his life with his first breath. A "best friend" to all. A lover of life in the midst of broken. Wanted ...

My Jacob. Intense, transparent, courageous boy. Battling it out... battling the task of just living, day by day. Loved ...

My Zachary. Genuine, sincere, oh-so-aware. Seeing him grow in to a young man of integrity. Adored ...

She said YES!

My son-in-law, Adrian... what a gift to us. A man of character. Fully devoted to my girl. Flourishing in life and in his love for God. Answer to prayer ...

My sweet Sophie. My first grandchild. Sweetness packaged in 24 pounds. Hilarious antics. Enormous melt downs. Fantastic smile. The Best Hug Giver Ever!!

Grandma's kisses xo

Raising this gift of a family has been a treasure
     but sometimes ...  so hard

It is a beautiful thing, in the midst of our mess,
  rarely contained and often out of control

In writing this, I'm choosing to recognize the oh-so obvious beauty that is my family. The wonder of raising kids, now mostly adults. The adding on to our family, the growing of our family.

We are definitely not living out a Hallmark movie,
         but we are definitely a divinely appointed family.

Decided by God. 

Loved by Him.
Dependent on Him.

This parenting thing can be so hard.
This loving of other human beings, self-surrendering.
Yes the struggles are so real
And YES, the beauty is so evident

It's really all I ever wanted to be.

running through the grass
with Uncle Zack

Today, tomorrow, this week... when life is hard...where will you look to see the beauty?