Friday, November 23, 2012

Don't Worry ...

Isn't today enough?
Seriously ... writing a blog with that name you would think I had worrying conquered.
You might have imagined I was the woman who had huge faith, knew how to surrender it all.
You might have imagined I never googled when I was worried, but instead dropped to my knees in prayer
You might have thought that I never had any issues that keep me up at night because I had learned to give all that stuff to God every day
To tell you the truth, I usually leave the Sleepless-Worry nights to my husband.
He just does that sooo well!!

But, it has been a long couple of weeks, actually months, in Kathy Land. A lot of nights where there's not much sleep. That's mostly because I'm just not feeling well (the not feeling well has been going on for quite a few months now and it's getting very old). That not feeling well is leading to the not sleeping well, which is leading to the being awake at night, which is leading to the mind wandering, and worrying and fixating, and worrying

Ahhhh
I wish sleep would come, all night long, not just sporadically.

So while I wait for answers, while I look for wisdom
I am writing
I am writing to remind myself ... and you ... that, 
    Even though I can't make my children make perfect decisions, though they'll have some bad days, and maybe make some really bad moves,
      I can and will love them,
      I will love them enough to let them decide on their own, I will love them enough to let them maybe even fail
   Even though I can't make my body run perfectly, or feel great
   even though I can't seem to make the nausea go away and don't have answers yet
   even though I don't have tons of energy, I can't seem to think clear enough to write, or work or do much some days,
      I don't have to have it all figured out - that has to be ok for right now!
   Even though I know my days aren't always going to run perfectly,
   Even though money may not be there for what it needs to be there for
   Even though some days time runs short and patience runs thin,
      I know my Friend has promised to be with me
            through every appointment He patiently waits while I worry and fret.
            through the long, sleepless nights He has promised to never leave me, never forsake me
Imagine that, He has promised
He never, ever breaks His promises .....

So today I am writing,
not very well mind you, but I am going to write and remind myself, and anyone who needs to hear
Don't borrow any more trouble from tomorrow,
Don't borrow from what might be
Don't borrow from what's unknown

Because Today is definitely enough!