Tuesday, May 6, 2014

A Beautiful, Tortured Mind

Looping thoughts that won't turn off
Someone sings a song that you can't stand
then it's stuck
stuck in your mind and you find yourself singing it all day long

I wish it was as irritating as that
   as simple as a silly diddy looping in your head.

Dark, looming thoughts,
you want to scream at them
except those thoughts are in your head, and it doesn't usually help to scream at yourself

Then for some reason you hit your arm, or bump in to something
Pain
It's real, it grounds you with the present
It distracts

Distraction is good when those thoughts just won't leave
A cut
longer each time
each time there's a sense of now
   an escape from the incessant thinking

It soothes for a moment
It releases something that tells you, so briefly, I'm gonna make it

The problem is, just like the looping mind, the thoughts that won't turn off
The Cut is not enough
Never quite enough
So you cut more, scrape a little deeper, a little longer, a little more often

The diseases of the mind are so complex,
  and so varied,
  and so real,
  and so painful,
  and so affect every person on this planet. If you're living and breathing you have been impacted by this - that I promise.
   First impressions, there's much more to a situation or person then we see at first glance.
That's the thing with mental illness, It's often invisible. To the casual observer, the person may appear to have it "all together." Yet when the symptoms flare up they are usually misunderstood,
   horrendously bullied
   often feared
   definitely misjudged over and over again!

To all of you who live with a tortured mind
I honor you for your bravery
  For surviving the days you have survived
  For excepting help when you can
You are loved by the Father … and you are loved by me

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